I would do such a thing!?!

Okay, today I'm going to finish the story I wrote last week: "I never thought that..." So if you haven't read that one yet, go and read that first before you read this.

She told me that she had gone on a date with him, but she didn't expect the date to end the way it did.
They went for a walk and talked and laughed. After that, they went to his house. She told me: "he told me that his house wasn't far and that we could go and rest there for a bit before I go home. So I went. When I reached there and entered the house I felt a little strange. His bed was in the living room, he told me that was because they didn't have enough rooms, so yeah. Then he told me to sit down and I sat on the chair next to the bed, then he started asking me to join him on the bed an sit next to him. After denying quite a few times, I gave in and laid myself on the bed next to him.. It was extremely awkward. I really didn't know what to do.. He started tickling me and touching me.. I didn't know what to think of it all.. I told him to stop, but it just escalated from there. The next thing I noticed was that he was on me trying to take y clothes off.. I told him to stop and tried to get off the bed, but he pushed me back on it.. I told him that I didn't like it and that he should really stop and get off me, but he didn't. He took all my clothes off and started touching me. I felt really uncomfortable and really hated the way he was acting. I tried my best to get him off me, but he was too strong. I kept resisting, but nothing worked. I felt so helpless. I thought of my morals and boundaries that I was crossing with this. All of a sudden, I felt a lot of pain. It hurt so much, I had never felt such pain before. I told him to stop, but he just wouldn't. The pain just got worse and I didn't know what to do. I felt so powerless. I couldn't do anything to stop him and he just kept going. It was so frustrating. I just gave in.. After some time he finally stopped and I went home. I was so scared. I kept wondering how I could explain this at home and to my friends. And what if.. what if.. no no no that can't be...

Moral of the story:
Sometimes you make mistakes that you didn't want to make, in this case it was the fact that she went to his house without knowing him well or knowing what was going to happen. You should always stick to your morals and keep your boundaries and never give in! If you suspect something strange always try to talk to someone about it before something happens. If something happens don't give up or loose hope, learn from it and become stronger!

For this post even if it isn't a BACIB I have a song too:

Warrior by Demi Lovato 

~Musa

The one who can't sleep

I watched her figure, as she was getting ready for bed. I laid there waiting for her to come to me and hug me with her little arms. I had been sleeping all day, I'm not lazy, I just can't move by myself. The world hasn't given me the opportunity and it's just a tragic fate that I have to live with everyday. Sometimes, you know, I wish I could be like Ted, from that one silly movie I once watched. Moving around freely on my own, without anyone's help. I drifted from my thoughts once I saw her come out of the washroom to put her pajamas on. When she was all ready to sleep, my eyes clearly brightened up. I couldn't help but admire her beautiful laughter. There she was, looking like a panda who couldn't wait even one more second to fall flat on the surface of this not-so-very-soft-bed. Finally! The moment I've been waiting for! HUUUGS!!

-

There I was, laying in his arms with no worries inside my tremendously complicated sometimes-like-a-fish-peanut-brain. I had nothing in my head, it was blank for the first time in this tiring, long week. I couldn't be happier. It was like the happy ending of my every day routine.

-

She moved around a lot, she had a hard time finding the right position to sleep on. Luckily for me, I can sleep properly on any positions anywhere so it's not a problem for me if she keeps moving around a lot. We don't have to fight about it you know.

“I have always been a light sleeper, just like my mom”, she says with a soft voice as she keeps struggling to fall asleep.

-

I couldn't sleep again. Ofcourse. Normally, it takes me about half an hour to fall asleep on my bed, but I just couldn't do it. I struggled to keep his arms on me because I didn't want to wake him up. I haven't ever seen him angry and I certainly didn't want this to be the first time. Two hours had passed and I still laid there looking like a dead body trying to find the secrets of why I wasn't granted the superpowers of being a heavy/fast sleeper. I looked beside me. I was sooo very jealous of his ability to sleep properly everyday. How? HOW do you people do it? Give me some of your extra sleep that you don't need because you actually had some work to do instead. Please grant me some sleep!!, thank you..... Anyways, after a while I was hesitating between giving up on sleeping for the night and go bingewatch some K2 (kdrama) without any subtitles (cause I'm a hardcore fan like that) or go eat some happiness to fill my belly so that there's some food in my life. Obviously, I chose happiness.

-

Suddenly I was being carried away on her arms downstairs. I guessed she was hungry. One of the reasons why she can't sleep at night is because she's always hungry. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night just to go fill her empty belly. Then she comes back right away to fall back asleep. She didn't walk back upstairs this time though. Instead, she opened the balcony door in this cold winter weather to suck some fresh air into her nose when she could've just opened her big ass window. She's weird sometimes.

-

After I ate some food, I decided to go get some fresh air because I was feeling so stuffy. I opened the door and inhaled some fresh midnight air with my eyes closed. Once I opened my eyes, I saw the most beautiful thing I'd seen in a long time. The moon. I let my thoughts run free through my head in hope that I'd get some sleep later. I was surprised I didn't cry or had some water drops run out my tired eyes, I also didn't have red eyes. I looked perfectly normal on the outside. I didn't even look like a panda from lack of sleep! I got a pretty good 30 minutes look at the moon and decided that it was time for war again.

Will I win or the i-won't-let-you-sleep-tonight-monster win? We'll see!

-

We came back to her room after she stared at the moon for about 30 minutes. She laid on her bed again and hugged me tightly. I fell asleep right away. While I was drifting away to sleep, I noticed her eyes twinkling. Right before the sleep monster took me in, I saw a tear roll down her eyes.

-              

“Thank you for being by my side when I am feeling alone.

  Thank you for being there for me.”   - Sleepless monster

Chapters of my life

Being a teenager isn't easy but ask yourself , what is easy in life?

I'm not a dramatic person with a dramatic teenage life, but I certainly did experience one, to be more accurate I am still experiencing it. I'm 16 years old, so I am still considered a teenager by society. I don't know what age I started feeling like a teenager, I remember feeling happy to leave my childhood and start adolescence to feel closer to being an adult. I remember having this great urge to grow up and quickly become an adult. I remember having this great imagination about having a job and being really wise and mature to have a good life. Now, I don't understand any of that.

I have this vivid memory of many experiences in my life that made quite some changes. I remember having these little fights with my parents because they wouldn't let me go outside of my city without an adult. I remember lying to them about going to a friend's house. I didn't do it often, but I still feel guilty about it sometimes. Now, I don't do it anymore. I still do have little fights with my parents sometimes, but the themes of the fights differ enormously from before. Honestly, I don't even fight with them that much. I've always been a quiet child and a good child. Compared to my brother, I have come forth as an angel to my parents even though my brother is not that bad a person. Sometimes I feel sorry for him actually.

I remember having this immense jealousy toward my extroverted friends, I'm not a social person and I have quite a hard time making friends because of my awkwardness that I've been living with since forever. I also consider myself an introvert and I'm quite shy too. All of these things made it quite hard for me to make friends after I came to Belgium, where I had many struggles such as cultural and language differences. Honestly, I still haven't grown out of any of my shyness or awkwardness, I still deal with it every day, but I've learned to cope with it somehow.

I also remember being in love or whatever you're supposed to call such a feeling when you're a teenager. That experience changed a lot about my way of thinking and view in life. I was quite selfish back then or I was just scared about being involved with such a strong feeling. I didn't want to get hurt and prevented everything from making me seem vulnerable. I didn't want anyone to know my weaknesses. I didn't want anyone to know my inner self. Only after two or three years I realized that all of my feelings were counter attacking each other. I realized why I had a hard time making friends, I realized why I was so jealous and why I didn't open up to anyone.

Now, I feel a lot wiser knowing all of these things. I feel like I've learned to become a good person. I know that I'm still learning and I still have a long way to go in life, but I'm satisfied with the lessons I've learned up to this day. I'm glad with the experiences that I've had and I'm happy that I'm able to share those today. Honestly, I'm just glad I have a story to tell. :)

 ~Mita

BACIB part 6: Jesus' peace

Hey everyone! How's school / work going? Lol okay what a beginning, i sincerely hope every thing's well though, but lemme not waste your time and dive into it already.

This week my biggest struggle was stress. I was stressed every single day. I would wake up in a bad mood and go to sleep in a bad mood. I couldn't focus. I was tired, had no energy or drive, I had no motivation to work. I felt sad and angry, I just wasn't myself. It was just awful!!!!

 But something kept me going though: Last week's message, it was about peace. To be precise it was Jesus' peace. That message just kept haunting me.. I just had to write and share about it.
The scripture came from John 14:16-31.
The one that stuck to me was verse 18...



 At that moment I kept yearning for that comfort, rest and peace in my heart. I kept praying and praying, but I kept feeling the same. I was so restless and sad that I would come home and get upset with my sister almost every day for smallest of things and I wasn't any better with the small ones.... . To be honest my mood affected us all negatively and so it really wasn't a good week. I kept thinking about that verse and wondering how I could receive that comfort and peace. I totally forgot how as I didn't re-read the verse and so I didn't read the verses after that either.. if I would I would have noticed this..

And that verse actually made me go back to the basics.. What does Jesus want from us? What does he expect us to do?
1. We have to follow His commandments: it is a classic, but I told you we'd go back to the basics so yeah. Just follow the 10 commandments.. Okay I know it's impossible to do all 10 of them perfectly, Jesus knows that too, that's why Christianity is by grace! For the people who don't know what grace is: it's the unconditional love God has for us!

2. We have to have a relationship with Jesus: it's good to believe that Jesus is king, but only believing isn't enough. When letting Jesus into our heart, you also have to build a relationship with Him and let Him work in us. That starts by prayer: showing Him who you are, just as you are and spending time with Him, reading your Bible and understanding Him. I know reading your Bible daily is very hard, even for me it is, but your desire to want to know Him will make it easier.  It also includes to love Him AND to love OTHERS, but not as you love yourself, but as Jesus loves you!! Being close to the teacher can make you change unconsciously. It can make you a better person

Those are  points that can help you and that include maybe a 100 other points, but this is the key!!

Now as I had written it wasn't just peace but Jesus' peace. I bet a lot are wondering what the difference is? This peace is from the Lord Himself! He gives it to us!! He assures us that after His leaving  the earth  we won't be left alone. He was going so that He send the Holy Spirit to be with us and to give us peace.

Song of the day: "Prince of peace by Hillsong united"

🎶When fear comes knocking, there you'll be my guard
When day breads trouble,
there u hold my ♥
Come storm or battle, God I know your peace will meet me there.. 🎶

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc0DKzPdv44 

~Musa

BACIB part 5: God's timing

Hey I'm back with a new part for BACIB (Being A Christian In Belgium) and for those of you who have read my fight against time you might manage to connect the 2.

 I was 6 when I started praying for a second little brother or sister or the both, as I used to think you couldn't play a lot of different games with just two people, as for a lot of the games there had to be at least three people, and because I already had a sister I now wanted a brother. I prayed for one daily. I had waited so long until I said to myself : "never mind it's okay now because I'm too old to play with kids." When I was 12 and a half my mom became pregnant. My sister and I were so happy thinking that we would finally get a brother and we were so happy and I thought that my prayer was finally answered. Then on 10/08 of that year the baby was born.. It was a girl.. We were so happy that we got a little sister, but were disappointed that we didn't get a brother.. Still we loved her so much and played with her a lot. We enjoyed almost every moment with her ( I just hated the times that she needed to be changed or was crying :p) we couldn't wait until she started walking and talking.. My parents were so happy.. 3 Girls, Wauw.. A year and a half later I started suspecting something strange.. My mom started eating weird things again, I thought: "oh no not another one.." (I got tired of all the crying and dypers..) I was right though.. Mom was pregnant again.. I was 99% sure it was going to be a girl so I didn't really keep my hopes up and wasn't that excited as before, but still I was happy. It was the year when I would turn 15.. It was sports day. Mom told me she had an appointment at the doctor so I wasn't really worried until we got in Holland and I couldn't reach mom nor dad's phone.. I panicked.. I spent so much money trying to call them from there, but none of them answered.. I kept telling myself: "don't worry the baby isn't due till next week Friday." When I got back from the sports day dad came and picked me up and said: "let's go and see your brother." My sisters and I were all shocked, speechless and happy at the same time. I remember when seeing him for the first time I was so emotional and happy. I really had no words to say.. I just kept smiling. It actually took some time before I realised that God had actually answered my prayers: "a brother or sister or BOTH!" 

So lately I've really been struggling with time. Whenever I pray for something when I feel I need it, I always have to wait until I think it's too late and then I get the answer or I get it when I think I don't need it anymore, but we all know that God is never too late. Still why don't we just get what we want when   we need it?? Honestly I prayed for 7 years before I got what I wanted, when I even started thinking that I didn't need it anymore, still my prayer was answered. You know we think we know when it is the best time to receive something, we think we need it right there and then. We don't think further, but God does. He thinks about every small detail that we don't understand then, he still sees them as important and thinks about the impact it can have on your life. Those are things we say we think about on a long term, but actually we don't. We don't at all. We only look at what we think we need at that moment, but actually only want then. I struggled for a long time wondering why God waited a total of 9 years before I got the both of them (they have 2 years difference, so 7 for the first one, but 9 in total).

This is when I partially realise now why it took so long. Because I started taking care of children when I was 13 I grew to be a very responsible person. My parents would trust me going out with them and taking care of them and playing with them and stuff. I know for some people this might sound like a normal lifestyle, but here where I live it's a very big exception. I kept working hard at school and passing and I managed to help out at home. You could say I grew up quickly, but now I realise the advantage.

 I really needed it, to become responsible, cause to be honest if it wasn't for my siblings I would be such a lazy girl. I mean I'm already lazy, but I would have been even worse. Now that I know I have to set an example for someone I really try my best a lot of times. I'm not saying that I'm never lazy anymore, I mean I still am, but it's way better now. I've learnt so much in the past 4 years that a lot of people have trouble with when they have their own kids, by that time I'll know how to handle it and that makes me happy. Because now even when going out with friends my friends parents trust me and they see me as an example for their kids too. I have let them know that I am also just a kid and I really want to enjoy my childhood like every other kid and I'm glad that people now see that, but they can still trust me. So God just wanted me to grow up and learn. That is something I couldn't do at the age of 6 or I could, but it would have been different. Now I have a realistic view on life, kids,etc..

Now if you want to see it from a Bible perspective:
°Habakuk 2:3
For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. 
° Jeremiah: 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Sometimes God won't give you what you ask for, do you know why? Because it isn't what you need(maybe at that time). God only gives you what you need or let me say it like this: He gives you what your heart needs and that can also be something you want, but He only gives you the best! Just remember that. that's why Mita didn't get what she thought was the best for her. Now yesterday we were talking.. It was quite late and she told me that this is when she realised that he wasn't the right guy for her. Now we all know God won't let you go through something without learning a lesson. Thanks to this  year long happy-sad-confusing experience she has learned that there is a lot more to learn and she realised her innocence when it comes to certain things.


Now this is also from the Bible:
°Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. 

 Conclusion:
God really has a plan and His timing is always right, so when He doesnt answer you immidiately, just wait the answer will come at it's right time and don't be discouraged like I was, don't loose hope, because God always answers your prayers and gives you what you ask Him acording to His will.

 Today's song:

Oceans by Hillsong united: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBJJJkiRukY

🎶Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,

let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me..

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior..🎶

 ~Musa

I never thought that..

 Sometimes unexpected things happen without you understanding what is going on. Sometimes you do something you don't want to do and why? You don't know.. You don't understand and you don't know what to say.. You can't stop it cause it is happening and after it happens you can't change it back. You regret it all, but what's the point of regretting? It's happened anyway..

 I am a girl. Almost a woman. I have a will. I can choose for myself. I know what I want. No one has to tell me what I want. No one has control over my body, I choose what I wanna do with it, no one else can choose for me. No one will make me do something I don't want to do.

A lot of girls think like that, this is how I used to think too. Though sometimes this is not what actually happens. Today I'm going to share a story of a dear friend of mine.
 It was the beginning of June and that means exam time.

She told me: "Musa, I finally have a boyfriend!" She looked so happy that day.. I remember that I was so stressed out and wasn't really right in my mind, all I could think of was how to pass those exams and how to pass this school year. I was scared and nervous but when I heard her say that she had a boyfriend, I was very shocked. All I could say was "WHAT?!?". She gave me a scared look and softly repeated what she had said earlier. I asked her so many questions within the minute: Who?, How old?, Where is he from?, How did you guys meet?,... She told me that she had met him on Facebook and had met up with him a couple of times and she kept on telling me how nice he was. I have known her for so long and I had never heard of the guy before so I found it kind of suspicious. She was so happy and I didn't want to break the mood with my nagging so I told her how stressed I was and asked her to tell me the next week (I only see her once a week btw.) I went off home and started studying. I couldn't concentrate though, I kept wondering who the guy was and I had the feeling that he wasn't trustworthy at all.. I just kept thinking that it wasn't right.. The next week she wasn't there.. I thought it was because of the exams so I didn't think further about it.
Then on Monday I got a message..

~Musa

Please don't give up!

Hurt, I am hurt
Like the bones in my body have given up their names.
The flesh in my body has given up this game.

Gather some strength, woman!
Gather some more!
This is a flight or fight situation
Don't give in to this whore.

Think about the morals you hold, sister
Think about it some more!
And the good reputation of the family
that you won't be able to show.

If you lose this game, daughter
You will become the silver losing to gold.
Don't forget it yet sweetheart...
You are my gold!

~Mita