BACIB part 9: Dealing with unsolved emotions

Omg it has been too long like seriously. I haven't written for so long, because there was one thing that kept me occupied. My unsolved emotions.. Before reading this its best to go and read the quote, because I’m going to refer to it a few times..

While thinking of what to write today I was overflown with different emotions and thought well let me write about that.. It has been an extremely busy few months for me and I wasn't really sure if I was dealing with it right.

The beginning of this year was quite busy. It’s our last few months in secondary school and we need to get our school projects done and make sure to keep giving it our all, but I just couldn’t. It was really hard to stay focused. I would slack off sometimes and procrastinate a lot.

I suppressed so many different feelings that I couldn’t tell which one I was sad or angry about at a any point. Suppressing unsolved emotions is like forcing a bird to stay in a cage. It wants to come out, but it can’t, because you want to keep it in.

It has been quite tough for me to actually accept the emotions I had and try to solve them.. I kept telling myself that if I keep them to myself no one will be hurt and there will be peace, but actually there was no peace at all. The longer I surppressed the worse it got. I felt sad, guilty and suffocated and I didn’t really know how to solve it, because I had kept it to myself for so long that I started feeling really bad. I had been living a life full of lies and I had been telling myself and others that I was okay, but I wasn’t. I had been trying to keep peace, but actually created tension. People around me started noticing when I was in a bad mood and it became worse and worse until I kinda shut myself out..

After that I realised how bad it was getting and how keeping it to myself was getting me nowhere I started exploring other options.. I started talking to people and I realised what I had to do. I brought all my problems to the Lord and started praying. I started focussing on building my solid relationship with God so that I would stop doubting myself and actually be me. They were a few verses that reminded me of who I was an actually helped me to get back up..
The first one was from Matthew..

Matthew 15:18

But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

I realised that me acting the way I was, was because my heart was full of pain and the pain was reflected through what I was saying and doing. The pain in my heart that was there was all because I had stopped guarding my heart, I let negativity enter it. The verse that kept popping up during this period was a very well know one from Psalms.

Psalm 139: 14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

This verse in combination with a conversation I had with Mita really changed my mindset.. It reminded me of who I actually was. So to all of you out there who are suppressing how they truly feel: it’s not healthy.. Pray about it and find someone to talk to and I know it isn’t really easy, but you gotta do it for yourself!

~Musa

                                 

He's still growing

Hi everyone! This is a story I wrote quite some time ago (during winter) , so it's a little old but this one is from a boy's perspective because it was inspired by some guy friends of mine.  It was quite hard to write from a guy's point of view for the first time , but I tried..enjoy! :)

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There he was lying on the grass by the bridge. He laid there on his backpack that was slowly crunching away under his big head so he had decided to use his arms for support.
There he was...
"How did I end up here?" He asked himself out loud, in a slightly sad voice. He spoke the words delicately, just as his heart was at the moment. One wrong step and the ice would break.

He opened his eyes to a man much older than himself. He followed the slow foot steps of the man that fascinated his vision. Tall, dark and handsome , a teenage girl would say. But he was no teenage girl fangirling over some good-looking fella , he was a 18 year old man, yes a man. That's what he'd been convincing himself from the moment he blew his last candle away on the 24th of June.

The tall silouette had dark raven hair that reached up to his ears. He noticed some cuts on the back of his head. "Must've been a bad barber", he thought. Light skintone with dark brown eyes that almost resembled his hair. Somewhere along the lines he thought he'd been looking at his own reflection. But that seemed impossible to him since the man was much prettier than himself. The 18 year old boy wasn't confident about his looks. He had failed to even notice the huge age difference between them.

The good-looking man walked up to him. He didnt say a word, he just sat down next to the 18 year old boy. After a minute of silence, the man finally spoke : "It's green, isn't it?

"What?"

"The grass on my side."

- It was the 23rd of January-

"What?" The boy asked again. The man was silent again for a minute or two. The boy had a very confused look on his face, but the man didn't care about it at all, because he knew he would understand it someday. 

                                    ~ Mita ~