Thursday, 25 May 2017

BACIB part 9: Dealing with unsolved emotions

Omg it has been too long like seriously. I haven't written for so long, because there was one thing that kept me occupied. My unsolved emotions.. Before reading this its best to go and read the quote, because I’m going to refer to it a few times..

While thinking of what to write today I was overflown with different emotions and thought well let me write about that.. It has been an extremely busy few months for me and I wasn't really sure if I was dealing with it right.

The beginning of this year was quite busy. It’s our last few months in secondary school and we need to get our school projects done and make sure to keep giving it our all, but I just couldn’t. It was really hard to stay focused. I would slack off sometimes and procrastinate a lot.

I suppressed so many different feelings that I couldn’t tell which one I was sad or angry about at a any point. Suppressing unsolved emotions is like forcing a bird to stay in a cage. It wants to come out, but it can’t, because you want to keep it in.

It has been quite tough for me to actually accept the emotions I had and try to solve them.. I kept telling myself that if I keep them to myself no one will be hurt and there will be peace, but actually there was no peace at all. The longer I surppressed the worse it got. I felt sad, guilty and suffocated and I didn’t really know how to solve it, because I had kept it to myself for so long that I started feeling really bad. I had been living a life full of lies and I had been telling myself and others that I was okay, but I wasn’t. I had been trying to keep peace, but actually created tension. People around me started noticing when I was in a bad mood and it became worse and worse until I kinda shut myself out..

After that I realised how bad it was getting and how keeping it to myself was getting me nowhere I started exploring other options.. I started talking to people and I realised what I had to do. I brought all my problems to the Lord and started praying. I started focussing on building my solid relationship with God so that I would stop doubting myself and actually be me. They were a few verses that reminded me of who I was an actually helped me to get back up..
The first one was from Matthew..

Matthew 15:18
But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

I realised that me acting the way I was, was because my heart was full of pain and the pain was reflected through what I was saying and doing. The pain in my heart that was there was all because I had stopped guarding my heart, I let negativity enter it. The verse that kept popping up during this period was a very well know one from Psalms.

Psalm 139: 14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

This verse in combination with a conversation I had with Mita really changed my mindset.. It reminded me of who I actually was. So to all of you out there who are suppressing how they truly feel: it’s not healthy.. Pray about it and find someone to talk to and I know it isn’t really easy, but you gotta do it for yourself!


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