BACIB part 9: Dealing with unsolved emotions

Omg it has been too long like seriously. I haven't written for so long, because there was one thing that kept me occupied. My unsolved emotions.. Before reading this its best to go and read the quote, because I’m going to refer to it a few times..

While thinking of what to write today I was overflown with different emotions and thought well let me write about that.. It has been an extremely busy few months for me and I wasn't really sure if I was dealing with it right.

The beginning of this year was quite busy. It’s our last few months in secondary school and we need to get our school projects done and make sure to keep giving it our all, but I just couldn’t. It was really hard to stay focused. I would slack off sometimes and procrastinate a lot.

I suppressed so many different feelings that I couldn’t tell which one I was sad or angry about at a any point. Suppressing unsolved emotions is like forcing a bird to stay in a cage. It wants to come out, but it can’t, because you want to keep it in.

It has been quite tough for me to actually accept the emotions I had and try to solve them.. I kept telling myself that if I keep them to myself no one will be hurt and there will be peace, but actually there was no peace at all. The longer I surppressed the worse it got. I felt sad, guilty and suffocated and I didn’t really know how to solve it, because I had kept it to myself for so long that I started feeling really bad. I had been living a life full of lies and I had been telling myself and others that I was okay, but I wasn’t. I had been trying to keep peace, but actually created tension. People around me started noticing when I was in a bad mood and it became worse and worse until I kinda shut myself out..

After that I realised how bad it was getting and how keeping it to myself was getting me nowhere I started exploring other options.. I started talking to people and I realised what I had to do. I brought all my problems to the Lord and started praying. I started focussing on building my solid relationship with God so that I would stop doubting myself and actually be me. They were a few verses that reminded me of who I was an actually helped me to get back up..
The first one was from Matthew..

Matthew 15:18

But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

I realised that me acting the way I was, was because my heart was full of pain and the pain was reflected through what I was saying and doing. The pain in my heart that was there was all because I had stopped guarding my heart, I let negativity enter it. The verse that kept popping up during this period was a very well know one from Psalms.

Psalm 139: 14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

This verse in combination with a conversation I had with Mita really changed my mindset.. It reminded me of who I actually was. So to all of you out there who are suppressing how they truly feel: it’s not healthy.. Pray about it and find someone to talk to and I know it isn’t really easy, but you gotta do it for yourself!

~Musa

                                 

BACIB part 8: Did I jinx it?

Hey everyone,

How have you all been? It’s been long since I wrote a BACIB, I know.  Today I wanted to share something that really made me think and happy at the same time! Recently a lot of things have been going well for me.. I have been doing quite well in school, in church I’ve been asked to sing in the worship team multiple times, the choir has been doing well, everyone is healthy, the page views of the blog have been increasing, it feels like everything has been going well for me. I can’t complain at all.. Still if I say everything has been going well, won’t I jinx it? I don’t know.. I had a feeling that if I’d say everything is well: that my next report card will be bad or that the next performance won’t go well and I’ll forget lines or that I won’t be asked to sing again,... Is that really how life goes though? Is it really that if life goes well and you start to become happy, that there will be something that will come and ruin it all?
Yes it is true, or shall I say that’s what I used to think and that is what used to happen to me all the time, lol. Whenever I would be happy about something or feel confident, after a few weeks things would go downhill.. But honestly is that how the rest of my life is going to be? Are the bad things that come after the good things really because I was too happy? Should I really be careful when I get happy? Should I start thinking twice before I get excited?
Of course not. Honestly when things are going well in life, enjoy them. When bad things come after that, it isn’t because you enjoyed the good things. There is nothing like “jinxing” your good luck or happiness. I thought my exams went well this time and I came out of almost every exam saying it went well and people would ask me: “aren’t you jinxing it, I said no and I was right.. My report card came out and my grades were okay, so I was quite satisfied.. It’s not the grades I was aiming for, but hey at least I didn’t fail, right?

Sometimes It’s good to have faith in what you’re doing and in who you are. God didn’t just put you here with no plan and His promises weren’t just words.. He meant what he said..

Psalm 20:7

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.”

Thanks to God’s promise we can achieve everything we want. Thanks to Him we have strength and can do all things..

Philippians 4:13
”I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

And when something good happens, be happy and praise Him for the blessing instead of talking about luck..

Exodus 23:25

Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you.

🎶  Song of today 🎶

There is power in the name of Jesus,

there is power in the name of Jesus,

to break every chain, 

break every chain, 

break every chain..

Break every chain ~ Tasha Cobbs 

God bless you all,

~Musa 

BACIB part 7: Faith or Fear

It has been a while hasn't it? Okay today I would really love to share something I realised just recently.
Some time ago I wasn't really feeling myself. I would have so many mood swings and wouldn't understand why. I would have so many negative thoughts and saw no hope in anything that was going on. I would isolate myself from the people whom I trusted most and go talk to others, just because I didn't want to bother them with my problems while they probably had problems of their own. I felt like if I would they wouldn't understand me either, why would they if even I don't understand myself?? I really didn't get why I was acting that way. I shut myself completely out without saying a word to them. I'm really the worst. Up till last Sunday I didn't understand why I was acting that way.

 I didn't even want to find out why. I just ignored everything and just lived on. For the first time in life I ran away from a problem, I was enjoying the current situation so I just let it be and went on.. It was strange, because I hate running away from my problems. It's just not me at all. The more time went by the more I realised I wasn't me. I was far from Musa. I really wasn't Musa at all. I really didn't know how to deal with it or change it. I just went along with the flow and ignored the fact that I had started hurting others. I really didn't care. For the first time I thought I was thinking of myself and just let everything slide.. I wasn't making sense at all. What started as let me not tell and by that not hurt others ended up being, let me enjoy myself without caring about others. I saw their pain and still I didn't do anything. I didn't know what to do. I just didn't get myself..

Last Sunday the title of the message was "Behold the man" based on John 19:4. It was all about behold, now the literal meaning of behold = see, observe,.. It was about Jesus who was man and God at the same time. They looked at 3 different things that Jesus did where you could see that He was man AND God.It was also about faith and fear. Faith= the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Fear= your doubt, your distraction. (This part is just to help you understand the symbolics and the rest of the story)
Between everything that was said I realised something: I had to behold myself and see where I went wrong. You know that when you're scared or when you're strong, it's a choice that u consciously make? Yeah well.. Here you go if you didn't know (what I didn't either before I heard the message) I realised that my feeling down and loosing hope was a choice that I made. I chose for fear over faith. I was running away because I was scared and I knew that I couldn't do it myself. I don't know why I let it slip my mind that God doesn't want you to do it yourself. I don't know where my faith went to. Sometimes choosing fear seems the easiest thing to do, but trust me the easy way always turns out harder than the difficult way. I don't know why I didn't just go to my friends and tell them the truth from the beginning. I didn't only loose faith in general, but also in my friends. This is the worst thing I've ever done, because loosing faith in life and friends, to me it's like loosing faith in God, because God works through other people and through different circumstances.


Conclusion: always be aware of what you choose: faith or fear? The way you can make sure that you always make the right choice, is by making sure that your foundation is right!! If you are a believer, you have to make sure u know and understand enough of the Word, so that you can stand firmly in your faith and know on what your faith is based! Keep practising your faith and keep growing in faith, so that your choices will be made based on the truth! Even if you don't believe make sure you check your choices and make sure that they are based on the truth. On top of that, be honest to yourself and others ( lol I'm saying this cause it will really help you.. I also had to get real with myself and now I also have to be honest with others..) I'm not saying this like its easy please don't take it that way it really isn't. Like no way.. Some times you'll go through things the hard way, but that always results to the best!

~Musa

BACIB part 6: Jesus' peace

Hey everyone! How's school / work going? Lol okay what a beginning, i sincerely hope every thing's well though, but lemme not waste your time and dive into it already.

This week my biggest struggle was stress. I was stressed every single day. I would wake up in a bad mood and go to sleep in a bad mood. I couldn't focus. I was tired, had no energy or drive, I had no motivation to work. I felt sad and angry, I just wasn't myself. It was just awful!!!!

 But something kept me going though: Last week's message, it was about peace. To be precise it was Jesus' peace. That message just kept haunting me.. I just had to write and share about it.
The scripture came from John 14:16-31.
The one that stuck to me was verse 18...



 At that moment I kept yearning for that comfort, rest and peace in my heart. I kept praying and praying, but I kept feeling the same. I was so restless and sad that I would come home and get upset with my sister almost every day for smallest of things and I wasn't any better with the small ones.... . To be honest my mood affected us all negatively and so it really wasn't a good week. I kept thinking about that verse and wondering how I could receive that comfort and peace. I totally forgot how as I didn't re-read the verse and so I didn't read the verses after that either.. if I would I would have noticed this..

And that verse actually made me go back to the basics.. What does Jesus want from us? What does he expect us to do?
1. We have to follow His commandments: it is a classic, but I told you we'd go back to the basics so yeah. Just follow the 10 commandments.. Okay I know it's impossible to do all 10 of them perfectly, Jesus knows that too, that's why Christianity is by grace! For the people who don't know what grace is: it's the unconditional love God has for us!

2. We have to have a relationship with Jesus: it's good to believe that Jesus is king, but only believing isn't enough. When letting Jesus into our heart, you also have to build a relationship with Him and let Him work in us. That starts by prayer: showing Him who you are, just as you are and spending time with Him, reading your Bible and understanding Him. I know reading your Bible daily is very hard, even for me it is, but your desire to want to know Him will make it easier.  It also includes to love Him AND to love OTHERS, but not as you love yourself, but as Jesus loves you!! Being close to the teacher can make you change unconsciously. It can make you a better person

Those are  points that can help you and that include maybe a 100 other points, but this is the key!!

Now as I had written it wasn't just peace but Jesus' peace. I bet a lot are wondering what the difference is? This peace is from the Lord Himself! He gives it to us!! He assures us that after His leaving  the earth  we won't be left alone. He was going so that He send the Holy Spirit to be with us and to give us peace.

Song of the day: "Prince of peace by Hillsong united"

🎶When fear comes knocking, there you'll be my guard
When day breads trouble,
there u hold my ♥
Come storm or battle, God I know your peace will meet me there.. 🎶

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc0DKzPdv44 

~Musa

BACIB part 5: God's timing

Hey I'm back with a new part for BACIB (Being A Christian In Belgium) and for those of you who have read my fight against time you might manage to connect the 2.

 I was 6 when I started praying for a second little brother or sister or the both, as I used to think you couldn't play a lot of different games with just two people, as for a lot of the games there had to be at least three people, and because I already had a sister I now wanted a brother. I prayed for one daily. I had waited so long until I said to myself : "never mind it's okay now because I'm too old to play with kids." When I was 12 and a half my mom became pregnant. My sister and I were so happy thinking that we would finally get a brother and we were so happy and I thought that my prayer was finally answered. Then on 10/08 of that year the baby was born.. It was a girl.. We were so happy that we got a little sister, but were disappointed that we didn't get a brother.. Still we loved her so much and played with her a lot. We enjoyed almost every moment with her ( I just hated the times that she needed to be changed or was crying :p) we couldn't wait until she started walking and talking.. My parents were so happy.. 3 Girls, Wauw.. A year and a half later I started suspecting something strange.. My mom started eating weird things again, I thought: "oh no not another one.." (I got tired of all the crying and dypers..) I was right though.. Mom was pregnant again.. I was 99% sure it was going to be a girl so I didn't really keep my hopes up and wasn't that excited as before, but still I was happy. It was the year when I would turn 15.. It was sports day. Mom told me she had an appointment at the doctor so I wasn't really worried until we got in Holland and I couldn't reach mom nor dad's phone.. I panicked.. I spent so much money trying to call them from there, but none of them answered.. I kept telling myself: "don't worry the baby isn't due till next week Friday." When I got back from the sports day dad came and picked me up and said: "let's go and see your brother." My sisters and I were all shocked, speechless and happy at the same time. I remember when seeing him for the first time I was so emotional and happy. I really had no words to say.. I just kept smiling. It actually took some time before I realised that God had actually answered my prayers: "a brother or sister or BOTH!" 

So lately I've really been struggling with time. Whenever I pray for something when I feel I need it, I always have to wait until I think it's too late and then I get the answer or I get it when I think I don't need it anymore, but we all know that God is never too late. Still why don't we just get what we want when   we need it?? Honestly I prayed for 7 years before I got what I wanted, when I even started thinking that I didn't need it anymore, still my prayer was answered. You know we think we know when it is the best time to receive something, we think we need it right there and then. We don't think further, but God does. He thinks about every small detail that we don't understand then, he still sees them as important and thinks about the impact it can have on your life. Those are things we say we think about on a long term, but actually we don't. We don't at all. We only look at what we think we need at that moment, but actually only want then. I struggled for a long time wondering why God waited a total of 9 years before I got the both of them (they have 2 years difference, so 7 for the first one, but 9 in total).

This is when I partially realise now why it took so long. Because I started taking care of children when I was 13 I grew to be a very responsible person. My parents would trust me going out with them and taking care of them and playing with them and stuff. I know for some people this might sound like a normal lifestyle, but here where I live it's a very big exception. I kept working hard at school and passing and I managed to help out at home. You could say I grew up quickly, but now I realise the advantage.

 I really needed it, to become responsible, cause to be honest if it wasn't for my siblings I would be such a lazy girl. I mean I'm already lazy, but I would have been even worse. Now that I know I have to set an example for someone I really try my best a lot of times. I'm not saying that I'm never lazy anymore, I mean I still am, but it's way better now. I've learnt so much in the past 4 years that a lot of people have trouble with when they have their own kids, by that time I'll know how to handle it and that makes me happy. Because now even when going out with friends my friends parents trust me and they see me as an example for their kids too. I have let them know that I am also just a kid and I really want to enjoy my childhood like every other kid and I'm glad that people now see that, but they can still trust me. So God just wanted me to grow up and learn. That is something I couldn't do at the age of 6 or I could, but it would have been different. Now I have a realistic view on life, kids,etc..

Now if you want to see it from a Bible perspective:
°Habakuk 2:3
For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. 
° Jeremiah: 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Sometimes God won't give you what you ask for, do you know why? Because it isn't what you need(maybe at that time). God only gives you what you need or let me say it like this: He gives you what your heart needs and that can also be something you want, but He only gives you the best! Just remember that. that's why Mita didn't get what she thought was the best for her. Now yesterday we were talking.. It was quite late and she told me that this is when she realised that he wasn't the right guy for her. Now we all know God won't let you go through something without learning a lesson. Thanks to this  year long happy-sad-confusing experience she has learned that there is a lot more to learn and she realised her innocence when it comes to certain things.


Now this is also from the Bible:
°Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. 

 Conclusion:
God really has a plan and His timing is always right, so when He doesnt answer you immidiately, just wait the answer will come at it's right time and don't be discouraged like I was, don't loose hope, because God always answers your prayers and gives you what you ask Him acording to His will.

 Today's song:

Oceans by Hillsong united: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBJJJkiRukY

🎶Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,

let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me..

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior..🎶

 ~Musa

BACIB part 4: Misconceptions about Christians

Some people think that being a Christian is an easy thing, while others say it's difficult. Some say that believing is a type of "escape" from reality, while others say that you are deceived.
There are a lot of different misconceptions about people and I personally have experienced a lot of different ones and I wanted to share some with you today.

" Believing is an esacpe from reality." Let me explain why that is not true. If you want it or not, everyone believes. Some say that they don't believe in anything, but trust me that is not true. Everyone believes! You have to believe in something before it can actually happen don't you? If people didn't believe, then there woudn't be anything of what there is today. There wouldn't  be any electricity or running water nor would there be cars, computers, phones / smartphones, a sidewalk (yes not even a sidewalk), roads, etc.. All these things started from believing before you can see them, like it is written in Hebrews 11:1.

 That brings me to the second thing: "Why believe in something you can't see?" I know this might sound lame, but we all breathe oxygen and we can't see that either, but we believe and know it's there, don't we? There are other things we believe in that we can't see, for example our future: we believe we have a future, good or bad that's up to you to choose, mostly it's good though, but we believe in our future and when we believe in it and we really want it to become reality we work towards what we believe and most of the times we end up well... I'm not saying that it will be as you imagined as a kid, but it's gonna be good!



" When you are a christian you never have struggles" Okay, I know not everyone goes through this one, but this is something I've heard multiple times. That, because I believe, everything in my life is good and I'm never sad. As a Christian I have honestly had more struggles than most people who don't believe, cause as Christians we can't just do anything and say 'oh Jesus saved us anyway' or  just do as we like. When you love God you actually want to do good for Him and that makes life harder sometimes, cause you'll have to sacrifice a lot. I'll give you some personal examples (so this might not what everyone does) I can't say certain things even if this hype word comes out and everyone is using it (f.ex. using Oh my God anyhow), I know it's not new but.. Everyone uses it like it's nothing, but I know that I can't use the Lord's name in vain like it says in Exodus 20:7: "You shall not use the Lord's name in vain.." It's not easy when everyone is using it and you can't. I remember before I knew about this verse I used to say that so often and it was so hard not to say it, but I really tried my best and I'm still trying, cause it's not easy to stop saying something you were used to saying. Another example: I can't go to some parties, cause I know if I go I might sin. Okay I know this also has to do with the people you go with and self control, but trust me when you are actually there and you experience some peer pressure, you can be as resistant as you want, but it doesn't always work, cause the devil will find ways to get to you and make you sin..

Another thing I chose for myself is that I don't want to drink, because I said that I had a lot of people think that " Christians are not allowed to drink alcohol, cause it's a sin." Let me tell you this: If drinking alcohol would be a sin, then why would Jesus change water to wine or why would He want us to drink from the wine as symbol of his blood?!? So let me just state this one quickly DRINKING IS NOT A SIN!!! I just chose not to, besides during the communion, because I don't need it and don't like it!! For the people who want to know: I have tried it before, but I prefere soft drinks ^-^ or alcohol free coctails. (Lol see pic.)




The last one is " Everything in the Bible has to be taken figuratively." This one I hear a lot. People say: "Okay they might be some truth in it, but there's no way all those stories were true." Why not?!? Is it because they seem so unimaginable to us humans? Is it because you have just never seen it with your own eyes? God actually has the power to do such things, because He is almighty! I do believe that all the stories are true, because God doesn't lie, but I also know that they're parables and different other things that God wanted us to interpret figuratively, but that doesn't mean that everything in the Bible is figurative.

Honestly I had so much trouble looking for the song that matches this post well, there are so many that would fit this one, but I went with:

Mighty to save by Hillsong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB-yX5p0p4I 

~Musa

BACIB part 3: God's presence

Today I'm going to talk about the Lord's presence in my life. I've always believed, I'm very happy to say that I was brought up knowing God through my parents. That made choosing for Him easier for me. I chose to follow God myself for the first time when I was about 9 or 10 years old. Then I could proudly say that I believe in Him myself and not just cause mom and dad told me to do so. When I told them that I chose to follow God myself, they were even a little surprised, but very happy.
After I chose to follow Him, life became much more fun. I got my first Bible when I was 12. It was a Dutch youth bible, that I got from the christian group I went to then. I was so happy and proud, I read it so often that the book of psalms and proverbs is almost completely in highlights, LOL! I even started keeping all my notes...

I really used to read my Bible a lot and I really enjoyed it. After reading it so often I even became more open about my christianity to my friends, I wasn't scared to share my beliefs with anyone. I was so proud to say that I love Him and I'm loved by the one and only true God! At that time I was having a hard time in school, but thanks to God's strength, I was able to overcome all troubles and pass those years, cause you know what they say:

People in school always used to ask me how I was so sure God was present in my life and why He doesn't show himself to them too "if He were real". I always used to reply by saying: "I feel Him, I feel His presence. He is with me, He is protecting me. He is protecting you, He loves you,..!"
Whenever something happened that would make them praise me I would refere to Him, but still no one believed me.




 I got backstabbed a lot during my first years of secondary school. At some point they even started calling me crazy for believing in God, but I knew that wasn't true, I knew He was and is present in my life. At first I thought of giving up, but I hate giving up so I decided to pray for them.. As it says in  Philippians 2:3-4 : 

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

Because I believed that God was present in my life and I kept my relationship with Him, He spoke to me more. God speaks to people through different ways. To me He speaks through my dreams.. After I found out that it was God speaking through my dreams, I started praying for every doubtful dream. The closer I got to God the more I felt His presence and the stronger I became!

The song I'm going to refere to today is "O come to the altar" by Elevation Worship.

"O come to the altar,
the father's arms are open wide.."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYQ5yXCc_CA

~Musa

BACIB part 2: Receiving Christian baptism

Receiving Christian baptism 

As you can see Today I'm going to talk about baptism, but I wanted to combine it with God's love.

So this time I asked my auntie what it meant to get baptized and she gave me a lovely answer. She said "to be baptized means to die for sin and to resurrect with Jesus" The second part of the sentence made me think of my trip to Zambia in March. In church they were singing this song called ressurecting.. one of the lines said "the ressurected King is resurrecting me." ( I will link the song at the bottom) To me it was such a deep line, cause I wondered what do they mean resurrecting me? Doesn't it only happen once. I really didn't get it at first, but the way I am, I just enjoy the music so I went on singing, but when the pastor started preaching the line stuck to my head for too long so I started wondering, what does it mean.. it even started to bug me. 

 I started my research from that one word... I looked it up online and it said that resurrection is "the concept of a living being coming back to life after death." Then i thought okay, Jesus roze from the dead and He is now in heaven and by that we have eternal life, but how can we keep rising from the dead( if that even makes sense).. It kept me thinking. The pastor kept preaching as I continued thinking about the same line. Now tat I  think back the pastor did give an answer( if you'd like the answer the pastor gave me, just say I might make a post of that one too), but I also found my answer that I can apply to my personal life. It's actually very simple (that's what I realised after) it actually just means that whenever we make a mistake we get back into "the ashes of defeat" what means we die again, but whenever we ask for forgiveness, He forgives us and we can start on a blank page all over again. It sounds so logical, I mean who doesn't know that? Have you ever thought about the meaning of "washing our sins away"? Have you actually thought about how special that heppening is? Everyone has heard of forgive and forget, but we all know that it is impossible to forgive or forget some things, even as Christians even if we have to we all still struggle with the fact that we have to forgive... God just keeps forgiving and forgetting, because He loves us so.. To be honest whenever I think of God's love it just keeps amazing me. How is such love even possible? 

With baptism we actually show our friends and family that we are sick and tired of falling in the ashes of defeat and that we have devoted ourselves to following God. Don't get me wrong here though.. It doens't mean that if you're not baptised your not trying your best to follow Him, cause to be honest I'm not baptised either, but I always try my very best to follow His word. Baptism is a personal choice and it doesn't matter when you make it, as long as you do one day.
Baptism ofcourse has much more meaning that what I just stated, but here is a small part. I hope you all enjoyed it! :)
Here is the link to the song (Ressurecting):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rf8Zzn4nOzc

~Musa