Sunday, 9 October 2016

Chapters of my life

Being a teenager isn't easy but ask yourself , what is easy in life?

I'm not a dramatic person with a dramatic teenage life, but I certainly did experience one, to be more accurate I am still experiencing it. I'm 16 years old, so I am still considered a teenager by society. I don't know what age I started feeling like a teenager, I remember feeling happy to leave my childhood and start adolescence to feel closer to being an adult. I remember having this great urge to grow up and quickly become an adult. I remember having this great imagination about having a job and being really wise and mature to have a good life. Now, I don't understand any of that.

I have this vivid memory of many experiences in my life that made quite some changes. I remember having these little fights with my parents because they wouldn't let me go outside of my city without an adult. I remember lying to them about going to a friend's house. I didn't do it often, but I still feel guilty about it sometimes. Now, I don't do it anymore. I still do have little fights with my parents sometimes, but the themes of the fights differ enormously from before. Honestly, I don't even fight with them that much. I've always been a quiet child and a good child. Compared to my brother, I have come forth as an angel to my parents even though my brother is not that bad a person. Sometimes I feel sorry for him actually.

I remember having this immense jealousy toward my extroverted friends, I'm not a social person and I have quite a hard time making friends because of my awkwardness that I've been living with since forever. I also consider myself an introvert and I'm quite shy too. All of these things made it quite hard for me to make friends after I came to Belgium, where I had many struggles such as cultural and language differences. Honestly, I still haven't grown out of any of my shyness or awkwardness, I still deal with it every day, but I've learned to cope with it somehow.

I also remember being in love or whatever you're supposed to call such a feeling when you're a teenager. That experience changed a lot about my way of thinking and view in life. I was quite selfish back then or I was just scared about being involved with such a strong feeling. I didn't want to get hurt and prevented everything from making me seem vulnerable. I didn't want anyone to know my weaknesses. I didn't want anyone to know my inner self. Only after two or three years I realized that all of my feelings were counter attacking each other. I realized why I had a hard time making friends, I realized why I was so jealous and why I didn't open up to anyone.

Now, I feel a lot wiser knowing all of these things. I feel like I've learned to become a good person. I know that I'm still learning and I still have a long way to go in life, but I'm satisfied with the lessons I've learned up to this day. I'm glad with the experiences that I've had and I'm happy that I'm able to share those today. Honestly, I'm just glad I have a story to tell. :)


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